Ok, so sometimes I get bored. Like if nothing happens for about two minutes. And when Jon gets bored, his mind begins to wonder…
On one of my bored wanderings I wondered if I might be able to get my TomTom GO 910 to say something unexpected. OK, I admit it, I wanted to hear it swear. A lot. Look, inside I’m only ten, ok?
So this is how I did it…
Read more…
Please note: You still run your own life, even though you've read bits & pieces from this blog. Take whatever legal advice you need from a professional and follow the course of action you deem best in your own personal circumstances. Though it shouldn't even need to be said, I cannot and will not be held responsible if you should take my words as advice and incur consequential losses. You're responsible for your own life and actions. Face up to those responsibilities, and good luck.
Oh I just love technology. It’s all soooooo sweet the way it desperately tries to please us, like an overenthusiastic puppy that covers you in canine saliva and humps your leg energetically. Actually of course it’s the techno-geeks who create the technology who are projecting their desire to please onto their mechanoid creations. Unfortunately it all gets perverted by the marketing people.
Take the new trend in ChatBots, for example. Yes, as the name might suggest, it’s a software robot that sits chatting on MSN Messenger (or Live Messenger as it has become). Of course what it can chat about is strictly limited by its programming. However, you should at least have some hope that it knows something about its chosen subject. To extend the example, here’s a conversation I had with the robot entitled “My Fashionable Life” which claims to have “Answers for all of your fashion and beauty questions”.
Jon says:
hello
My Fashionable Life says:
Hello Jon! Welcome to My Fashionable Life, brought to you by CLEAN & CLEAR®.
To check out the info I have on the newest CLEAN & CLEAR® skincare line, just type “CLEAN & CLEAR.”
Jon says:
what is empire line?
My Fashionable Life says:
That’s a bit beyond my expertise. Please try asking me another way, or type “?” to see examples of questions I can answer.
Jon says:
what is a pencil skirt?
My Fashionable Life says:
Hi again, Jon. Check out the info I have on the newest CLEAN & CLEAR® skincare line! Just type “CLEAN & CLEAR.”
Type “home” to see everything I can do or just ask me a question!
Sorry, I know about skirts, but I don’t understand your question. Can you try rephrasing it? Or, to see all of my fashion info type “fashion tips.”
I have a ton of new makeup demos. Type “demos.” and check them out!
Jon says:
what is this season’s colour?
My Fashionable Life says:
That’s a bit beyond my expertise. Please try asking me another way, or type “?” to see examples of questions I can answer.
Jon says:
which fashion house does karl lagerfeld work for?
My Fashionable Life says:
You’ve totally confused me! Please try asking me another way, or type “?” to see examples of questions I can answer.
Oh dear. All my fashion & beauty questions? No, it’s just a gimmick conceived by marketing people to sell more “CLEAN & CLEAR® skincare” products. Will it work? I very much doubt it. But undoubtedly there is a small, dark office somewhere, where, slaving away over a hot keyboard in a little alcove, there’s a techno-geek who’s very proud of his creation, and imagining how much pleasure and life-improving goodness he’s bringing to millions. Ahhhh. Bless.
To enjoy the same magical experience, add “[email protected]” to your MSN or Live Messenger.
Please note: You still run your own life, even though you've read bits & pieces from this blog. Take whatever legal advice you need from a professional and follow the course of action you deem best in your own personal circumstances. Though it shouldn't even need to be said, I cannot and will not be held responsible if you should take my words as advice and incur consequential losses. You're responsible for your own life and actions. Face up to those responsibilities, and good luck.
Categories: A Bit of Fun, Social/Political Comment Tags: AI, artificial intelligence, beauty, bots, chatbots, fashion, messenger, MSN, robots, technology
Many years ago, when I was still a teenager, I decided to translate the lyrics of a song. The only language I knew at the time apart from my mother-tongue English was a smattering of school French. But nonetheless I had enough French to do it. And the song? The most ridiculous thing I could find, which was “Yes we have no bananas, we have no bananas today”. To my none-too-great surprise, the French lyric fitted none too well. So, I wondered would other languages fare any better? German soon followed, the “heute” translation for “today” proving especially awful in terms of its lyrical quality. Wondering further, I started to collect translations from lots of different languages. Of course pretty soon they dried up. The whole project was forgotten, especially when I discovered girls. Much more interesting.
Eventually along came the Internet, and one day when I was bored (it happens a lot) I decided to register a new domain name bananastoday.co.uk and its somewhat less rhyming bananastoday.com and create a web site where I could once again collect translations for the beloved lyric. Of course I never had any visitors, which made the whole thing rather sad. Actually I did get a few. I even received the Klingon translation. I kid ye not. Someone actually bothered not only to translate the song lyric into Klingon, which is enough of a feat by itself… but what truly amazed me is that someone else had even gone to the trouble of creating a Klingon word for “banana”. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but Worf in Star Trek never used the word “banana” in American English, let alone Klingon. Hmmm. I think they could be making it up as they go along.
I actually lost the Klingon translation somewhere along the way before it had a chance to enter the archive. If you were the originator, or indeed if your Klingon is up to the task, perhaps you’d oblige.
Anyway, I digress… as usual. The site still exists and there are still a lot of translations I’ve yet to collect. So if you’re a specialist in one particular language, or indeed several, please take the time and trouble to visit the site and use all your incredible language skills and long years of study to translate just one line from an old music hall song into the languages of your choice. Oh go on. Please. You know you want to. Don’t make me beg now.
You can find the
Internationally-Localised Version Of Yes We Have No Bananas at
www.bananastoday.co.uk. If you have been, thanks for reading.
Please note: You still run your own life, even though you've read bits & pieces from this blog. Take whatever legal advice you need from a professional and follow the course of action you deem best in your own personal circumstances. Though it shouldn't even need to be said, I cannot and will not be held responsible if you should take my words as advice and incur consequential losses. You're responsible for your own life and actions. Face up to those responsibilities, and good luck.
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